The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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