I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
