I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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