Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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