Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
