I have demons in me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
