If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
