Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
