Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Randomize
