pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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