A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
