they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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