Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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