all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
