The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
