wakey wakey hands off snakey
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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