This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
