even my farts smell like vagina
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
