hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
