Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
