The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
