Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
