stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You ruined the universe
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
