If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
