Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
