thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
