I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
