I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
