I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
