I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
im on a boat
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