i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
