It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
