dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
