So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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