so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Moan for me like Helen Keller
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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