i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
