If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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