some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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