we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
