I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
