I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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