I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
