you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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