I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You are the jesus of drinking
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
