Sry I called you an 8
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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