I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I deserve this hangover.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
