I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
