I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This house was built for laser tag.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
