I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize