but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
