I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
