Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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