Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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