Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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