we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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