Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize