What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
