i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
