Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
