Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am one with the molecules
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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