My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
