we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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