Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
