There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
