Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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