I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
