Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
