I skipped work to stalk him.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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