Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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