she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
