i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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