im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You are the jesus of drinking
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